Hello!
I am typing this on my couch, eating for the first time in around 12 hours, and I can't help but be excited about the future of this band.
On the drive back me and Nicholas Pajela (a fellow member of MHCC and Beat Rush Big Band) were talking about how exciting it was to be apart of something so new. What I also thought about was how my career was starting in such a wonderful place with wonderful musicians.
I had been so stressed all day. We had gotten to the convention hall early to walk around. We got our picture taken by a few of the staff. We had Special Guest passes, it was all very thrilling. But at some point before call time we ventured off to a matcha stop a few blocks away in downtown Portland for Nic. When I got in the bathroom all I could do was stare at myself in the mirror. I felt like screaming and crying and throwing up and going home. I could hear the pounding music playing from the coffee shop and my head was screaming that I should've just gone home and never tried. But instead I sent a funny video to my friends, I touched up my makeup, and we walked back.
After this and once we had met up with more band members I started to feel better. People complimented my outfit. I was talking and laughing. I felt confident in my warm-ups (Incredibly important btw, like always start with something you can do) and things got better. I usually feel out of my element in that group, but I was laughing and joking with my section. I enjoyed myself.
This was my first professional gig and everyone in my life that interacted with me today told me I was making myself sick with worry was right. I needed to be excited and happy for myself. Something one of the teachers at MHCC recently was that you don't have to play music you get to play music was correct, and I should be letting myself feel more excitement for these opportunities I've been given.
